is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
