Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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