I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize