I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
