I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
