Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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