I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
