I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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