I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
