Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize