I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize