just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
