Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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