boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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