Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
