Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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