Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
