if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
