So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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