Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
