I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
