theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize