She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
