They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
