I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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