she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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