even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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