Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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