Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
