he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
