Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i think i just lost a toe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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