Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
