the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
