it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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