Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
