I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
