I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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