yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
