the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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