I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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