"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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