Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
