i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
