I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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