it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
