yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
