I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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