so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
