He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
