Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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