Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize