he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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