I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
