just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
