; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
