Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
