why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
