DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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