Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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