I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I still have a little drunk in my system
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
