Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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