Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize