Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
