ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
