i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
