i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
