The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize