Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
