Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
