i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
