how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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