A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize