I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
