Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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