Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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