we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
