I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
