i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're too hungover to prance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
