I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
