you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Barsexuality is the new black.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
