Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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