She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
