so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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