Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm getting married
To pizza
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
