True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
