I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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