I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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