Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
