first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
