I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
