this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
