He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
