Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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