Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
