I want you more than these girls want KFC
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
