I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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