so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
