the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
