I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
