Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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