The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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