I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
