I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
