You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
