bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize