i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
