these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
